


Yuan Fen

by 9091fxh



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Cheesy, Light Angst, M/M, Smut, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-08 17:25:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7766755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/9091fxh/pseuds/9091fxh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all feels like a dream to him and maybe that’s why it’s so hard to believe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yuan Fen

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for this cute prompt, dear prompter and I hope I’ve done justice to it.

**Prompt:** #78  
**Title:**  Yuan Fen  
**Rating:** NC-17  
**Pairing:** Lay  & Luhan  
**Side Pairing(s) [optional]:** None  


 

_It’s just that I’m really fucking jealous because everyone who meets you wants you and I’m scared one day you’ll realize I’m not that special and you’ll leave me for someone who is just as magical as you._

__

_ The Red String  _

__

_{Fate is a strange thing. It also causes strange things to happen. It has no sense of logic and no rhyme. It simply just makes things happen. Sometimes it doesn’t. Maybe that was the point._

_And if one were to ask Luhan to describe what Fate was to him, he would tell you it’s a string. It’s a string connecting people, tying them together, no matter how far they strayed from each other, sometimes getting tangled in other people’s strings and sometimes breaking._

_But of course, this wasn’t how he always saw things.}_

****

**_*_ **

**_A YEAR AND A HALF BEFORE_ **

_“Cheer up Lu, it might not be the last time.” Yifan said, even though he knew there was a very slim chance Luhan would ever see the boy he’d been crushing on for years. But he didn’t want Luhan moping over that fact on their graduation when they could be celebrating the fact that they were done with high school and if they wished, the world was now theirs for the taking. Or at least it felt like that._

_“I really want to Wu. I would love to cheer up. But see, I can’t.” Luhan said in what sounded like a neutral tone but to Yifan who had known Luhan for years could hear the sarcasm dripping to form puddles at their feet. Luhan only resorted to sarcasm when he was either nervous, upset, tired or when he felt like it. Yifan had found out very quickly that Luhan was multilingual; he spoke Mandarin, Cantonese, Korean, somewhat English and fluent Sarcasm. That was what made his company equal parts dangerous (a hazard to one’s self esteem as he could make one feel quite…stupid.) and amusing._

_“Okay so can you stop ‘can’t-ing’ and starting ‘can-ing’ because this is also a once in a lifetime kind of function.” Yifan glared at Luhan, his patience beginning to run thin._

_“I’ll start ‘can-ing’ after I stop ‘cant-ing’.” Luhan replied nonchalantly. Yifan groaned._

_Luhan was making light of his sadness as much as he could, for Yifan’s sake. He was still conscious that it was their graduation and he was supposed to be thrilled or something akin to that emotion. But there was this desolation wrapping itself around his heart, squeezing it and making his chest ache. The answer to the cause of this feeling:_

_Zhang Yixing._

_It started as an innocent crush in their first year of high school. They were in the same home room. As well as most of their other classes. They had quite a lot in common. But it remained to be just that; things in common. Yixing was oblivious and Luhan wasn’t valiant._

_Luhan couldn’t understand how he hadn’t interacted with Yixing beyond polite greetings and the occasional “Hey, what page was the homework?” for years and that was all his crush had amounted to._

_Despite not having much substantial relations, Luhan was not a stranger to details about Yixing. In fact, it was quite alarming how much he did know about Yixing. If Luhan was to narrow down the things that he liked most about Yixing, he would say; music. It was what drew him into Yixing in the first place._

_They were in the same music class, initially. But soon it became evident to both the students and the music teacher that Yixing was an advanced student. However, Yixing’s advanced skills were not what intrigued Luhan even more, not majorly at least._

_Music to Luhan was a pleasurable past time. It was pleasant to play an instrument or sing a song as much as it was pleasurable to hear an instrument being played or hear someone with pleasant vocals sing. He liked it. He enjoyed it. He was good at it._

_But for Yixing, it was a whole world in which he lived inside. Yixing breathed music. He exhaled music. He got lost in music but he looked so content doing so. He lived between every note. He wrapped himself around harmonies. Stories poured from his fingertips when he played the piano and passion flowed from his voice box when he sang. Yixing was an artist’s muse when he played music. Yixing was art tightly intertwined with music._

_And that’s what had drawn Luhan in. He’d never left ever since. Not even when Yixing was moved to a higher music class. Luhan worked hard to improve himself. Before, singing was something he was good at to pass the time. And also to fill up his required amount of subjects he had to take. But then, he had a reason to sing. Yixing. That’s why he became the second best vocalist in the whole school; only second to Yixing’s best friend Jongdae, so that he could be in the same class as Yixing._

_Music was what drew Luhan to Yixing. But it didn’t end there. Luhan found himself quite bewildered by Yixing’s innocence throughout the years. His manners. The way he was kind to a fault. The way he didn’t concern himself with high school follies. He seemed like he had a dream and he was hell bent on making it happen. It seemed like everything else was background noise to him. This inspired Luhan. He wanted to be someone worthy of Yixing so he worked hard on what he was passionate about; acting._

_Acting to Luhan was music to Yixing. Yixing helped Luhan without even being aware. This made Luhan feel even more for Yixing._

_But now it was graduation and reality was slapping Luhan in the face. It was the end. No more sneaking into the music room to watch Yixing play. No more straining for Yixing’s melodious humming during lessons. No more shy glances at Yixing around school. And no more anything else Yixing in between. No more. After that day, it was very unlikely that they would ever see each other again. Thus Luhan felt he was justified in wanting to wallow in sadness._

_“Let me make you a deal. I’ll go and invite Yixing to celebrate with us if he doesn’t have any plans. Then you really better cheer up or I’ll smack the sad out of you, okay?” Yifan said, still glaring at Luhan._

_This immediately got Luhan’s attention, eyes wide and mouth open in bewilderment._

_“Would you really do that?” Luhan sputtered, sarcasm temporarily forgotten. Yifan’s turning figure replied and a few seconds later, he was lost in the sea of newly graduated students. Luhan felt his stomach lurch._

_No sooner had Yifan left than he came back with a beaming face and a slight smirk._

_“Well?” Luhan said dreadfully as Yifan proceeded to just stare at him rather than relate the result of his task._

_“He said no.” Yifan said, his lips stretching into a pleased grin._

_“Oh.” Luhan said, his shoulders fell, not even aware that he had been holding his breath._

_“Why are you so happy then?” Luhan glared at Yifan, trying to make sense of his friend’s reaction to his rejection. Yifan was playful, he was stoic and he could also be an imbecile from time to time but he wasn’t cruel, he wouldn’t take pleasure in Luhan’s sadness._

_“His grandmother invited you for a celebratory lunch.” Yifan said, his pleased smile stretching across his face. Luhan stared at him, his mind a bit blank._

_“I said his-“_

_“I know what you said!”_

_“Then why aren’t you happy?” Yifan was bewildered by Luhan’s reaction and Luhan found himself thinking that this was one of the times Yifan was an imbecile because how could he not understand that Luhan was more than intimidated by the prospect of meeting Yixing’s family when he’d never had a more than one minute conversation with Yixing himself._

_“Are you kidding me?” If eyes could fall out, Luhan’s would have been on the floor by then, he was glaring so hard at Yifan._

_“Listen Lu, you’ve had a crush on Yixing for just about all of your high school duration, right?” Yifan snorted rhetorically, “So this might be the only chance you’ll ever have of speaking to him. It’s better to just go along and see what happens rather than regretting years later, okay?” Yifan coaxed._

_Luhan let Yifan’s words sink in. And he realized that there was a certain wisdom to Yifan’s words. Maybe it was his own moment of imbecile after all._

_“And besides, I was also invited so you won’t be alone.” Yifan’s goofy grin was back and Luhan found himself heaving a relieved breath._

_“Be normal.” Yifan whispered to Luhan as they approached Yixing._

_“Hello.” Luhan bowed, ninety five degrees, as soon as they came upon Yixing and his grandmother. Yifan groaned mentally._

_Yixing’s grandmother looked a bit startled at the boy suddenly bowing in front of her. Yifan groaned mentally again._

_“I’m Luhan.” Luhan introduced himself, seeing the lost expression on the elderly woman’s face._

_“Ah, you’re the Luhan that handsome tall boy talked about.” Yixing’s grandmother then smiled. It was Luhan’s turn to cringe mentally at the ‘handsome’ part but kept his expression neutral. He would tease Yifan about that later._

_“Hello Luhan.” Yixing smiled at Luhan and the latter froze. He stared at Yixing like it was the first time he’d ever seen him, a blush gracing his cheeks and his sparkly eyes blinking rapidly._

_Yifan groaned mentally for the third time before nudging his friend again._

_“Hi.” Luhan squawked, his voice high pitched like he’d swallowed helium._

_“Shall we go?” Yifan asked, trying to dissipate the awkward atmosphere of first time meetings. Maybe this hadn’t been such a great idea after all._

_“Ah yes, is it possible to catch a taxi outside?” Yixing’s grandmother asked, staring up at Yifan._

_“It is possible. But since Luhan came with his car this morning, it’s probably wiser and easier to let him drive us.” Yifan smiled charmingly and Luhan almost blanched. He didn’t recall Yifan ever being such a smooth talker, especially with older people. And he had not agreed to what he had just suggested but Luhan knew it hadn’t been a suggestion but more of a command._

_“It’s okay, we can take a taxi and meet you at the restaurant.” Yixing spoke, a little discomfort on his face._

_“No, that would be a waste really. Let’s go together. Luhan doesn’t mind, right Luhan?” Yifan nudged Luhan again, a comforting smile on his face._

_“Yifan’s right. It would only make sense.” Luhan smiled, feeling his heart beat faster than it should have been._

_“Then it’s decided.” Yixing’s grandmother accepted._

_Luhan wondered how he would drive with his hands shaking the way it was. Every time his eyes met Yixing’s, the boy would smile pleasantly at him and he didn’t know how to deal with the emotions fluttering in his chest._

_Yixing’s grandmother had looked impressed with Luhan’s car and kept asking him if he were a young billionaire. Luhan and Yifan laughed at that while Yixing looked curious, like the notion could be true._

_“No, I’m just an ordinary student.” Luhan laughed, catching the elderly lady’s eyes in the rear view mirror._

_“Yixing is also an ordinary student!” The said boy’s grandmother said in bewilderment. Luhan understood the point Yixing’s grandmother was trying to make but he didn’t like that statement._

_“Yixing isn’t really ordinary. He’s amazing.” Luhan defended. A minute too late, when the car became dead silent, Luhan registered what he really had admitted._

_“I mean,” Luhan sputtered, trying not to catch Yixing’s eye in the mirror, “that he is really talented.” Luhan finished weakly._

_To Luhan’s eternal gratitude, Yifan proved himself to be a good friend by coming to his rescue. “Yes, Yixing is the most musically talented person in our whole institution. Well, our old institution since we are now all free to go to the four corners of the planet.” Yifan joked and to both his and Luhan’s relief, Yixing’s grandmother laughed. Luhan took his eyes off the road for a split second to show Yifan his grateful expression. Yifan nodded in understanding._

_“True, true. My little Yixing is wonderful. I taught him the piano.” Yixing’s grandmother informed them._

_“Oh?” Luhan said in surprise, meeting the elderly lady’s eyes in the mirror._

_“Then you also must be amazing.” Luhan said sincerely._

_“Ah,” Yixing’s grandmother laughed, a bit flustered, “Little Lamb, you didn’t tell me you had such handsome and charming friends.” She hit Yixing lightly on the arm but her eyes were teasing._

_Luhan found himself smiling and he knew Yifan would later brag that his idea turned out to be great._

_“Are you sure we should be eating here?” Yixing’s grandmother said worriedly as she took in the elegant décor of the restaurant._

_“Yes, don’t worry about it. Besides, a friend of Luhan’s parents’ own it.” Yifan quickly assured the elderly lady._

_“It’s my treat to all of us.” Luhan’s tone was definite. “And they serve the best spaghetti in Beijing and I’m not only saying this because I know the owners.” Luhan tried to ease Yixing’s grandmother’s mind._

_As they walked to a table, Luhan felt a hand on his arm, softly halting him. Luhan was surprised to find Yixing looked at him shyly, opening and closing his mouth like he couldn’t figure out what to say. Luhan fought hard to keep his expression unflushed._

_“I- you-, just-“ Yixing grappled for words._

_“I don’t understand Yixing.” Luhan said, his heart beating fast._

_“What’s wrong?” Luhan felt worry begin to settle in his stomach. Maybe he’d said something discomforting to Yixing? Or perhaps Yixing wanted to take his grandmother and go because Luhan had stared too much and freaked him out? All the things he’d possibly done wrong flitted through Luhan’s head and he found himself wanting to bang his head against a wall._

_“You don’t have to do this. Let’s find somewhere cheaper, okay?” Yixing said finally, his eyes pleading._

_“Oh!” Luhan exclaimed, relieved that Yixing wasn’t put off by Luhan’s awkwardness towards him._

_“No, really it’s fine. Enjoy yourself Yixing, don’t worry about it okay?” Luhan rushed to reassure his crush (or maybe more than crush). He tried to give Yixing what he thought was a simultaneously encouraging and reassuring smile. Somehow, it worked because Yixing’s expression relaxed and he nodded slightly._

_“May I recommend a dish?” Luhan asked politely once they had settled at his usual table._

_“Yes, of course.” Yixing’s grandmother said, looking relieved as she put down the leather bound menu that had great a deal of Italian._

_Yixing’s grandmother and Yifan were sitting across from Luhan and Yixing and Luhan found his palm’s moist. He was so close. The space between them was not much as the plush bench they were sitting on was short on the end Luhan and Yixing were sitting on and long on the other side. Luhan had never taken notice of the layout of the restaurant but at that moment, he didn’t know if he felt blessed or cursed by the proximity the build of the restaurant brought him to Yixing._

_“What do you youngsters plan to do next in your lives?” Yixing’s grandmother peered at Luhan then Yifan._

_“I might join my father’s business while also studying part-time.” Yifan said candidly._

_“Hmm. If it isn’t too intrusive, I would suggest you work in other companies before joining one owned by your family.” Yixing’s grandmother advised, looking gently at Yifan._

_“Oh? Is that so?” Yifan asked politely but Luhan could he wasn’t just saying so out of manners, he was genuinely interested. However, Luhan was not interested in Yifan’s business ventures in that exact moment so he directed his attention to Yixing, trying to be brave._

_“So,” Luhan said, clearing his throat, facing Yixing and immediately cursed himself for being so awkward and uncool. Yixing looked up, startled. It was like he had forgotten where he was, completely spaced out and Luhan resisted the urge to giggle. The expression on Yixing’s face was cute._

_“What do **you** plan on doing after this?” Luhan asked, a small amused smile on his lips, his shoulders relaxing a little bit. _

_“Huh? I think I’ll take my grandmother to the train station so that she can get back to Changsha because she has a hospital appointment and…are you laughing?” Yixing stopped mid-sentence, a look of complete puzzlement crossing his face. His features were pulled together in a frown, his lips jutting out in a frown and his hair, slightly tousled, falling across his forehead. He looked positively kissable. But Luhan laughed even harder._

_“I-I meant,” Luhan wheezed out, “what do you plan to do after school!” Luhan managed to spit out between his bouts of laughter._

_“Oh.” Yixing muttered, sheepish. His features relaxed, an easy grin on his face before he too was pulled into a fit of giggles, infected by Luhan’s incessant giggles._

_“Cute.” Luhan admitted as Yixing laughed along with him, staring at Yixing with a look of adoration._

_Yifan and Yixing’s grandmother completely ignored the bubbly couple across them, engrossed in a discussion of the how-tos of the business world._

_“Besides going to the train station, what do plan on doing next?” Luhan asked mirthfully, teasing Yixing good-naturedly._

_Somehow, in between the laughter and teasing, they had ended up sitting closer. Their thighs were touching and their arms brushed at the slightest movement. Heat radiated into Luhan from the proximity but Yixing looked like he didn’t notice, pressing closer as he answered Luhan’s question._

_“I will go to Changsha University and study music there.” Yixing informed Luhan. Luhan frowned, seeing the indifferent look in Yixing’s eyes._

_“Changsha? But you were the best at music in our school! I heard you got accepted into Peking University  and The University of Hong Kong, Yixing-ah, why would you throw that away?” Luhan asked, bemusement making him frown at Yixing. Also, a pang resonated throughout his entire being at the thought of Yixing going so far away, so far that they would surely never meet again._

_“Right? That’s what I also said but my grandson is apparently mad!” Yixing’s grandmother put in, done with her conversation with Yifan._

_“Ah Nai nai*, you know why I can’t stay here.” Yixing said, rubbing his neck in discomfort._

**_*Nai nai – paternal grandmother_ **

_“Why?” Luhan pushed, knowing that he was possibly pushing private boundaries but he couldn’t help his curiosity or hurting heart._

_“Uh- I- It’s that- uhm-“ Yixing stuttered, not meeting the eyes of those at the table. Luhan felt guilty for pressuring Yixing like this, he had not meant to make him feel so uncomfortable. Taking a little risk, he placed a hand on Yixing’s knee under the table as a means of showing some support. Luhan’s stomach churned painfully, waiting for the rejection to come, waiting for Yixing to look at him with a disgusted face and pull his knee away. But Yixing did none of those things, only briefly looked at Luhan with a flash of gratitude in his eyes before swallowing thickly and looking away._

_“Nai nai is not well and I must take care of her.” Yixing said at last, his voice a little more than a whisper, holding an apologetic mien._

_“I have told you time and time and again little-“ Yixing’s grandmother began but was cut off unceremoniously._

_“Good afternoon.” The waiter greeted, bowing politely._

_“Hello Henry. How are you?” Luhan greeted his friend with a warm smile. Henry’s parents owned the restaurant and occasionally, Henry offered help either in the kitchen, front desk or serving tables. He liked variety, claiming that monotonous jobs would shorten his life by ten years._

_“I’m fine, thank you. Would you like to order now or do you need some time to look over the menu?”_

_*_

_“This is my favourite part of the day.” Yixing said quietly. He was leaning back, his hair unruly in that natural way of his, his expression thoughtful and the ice cream cone in his hand melting steadily- unawares to Yixing- and of course looking handsome and lost in that way that made Luhan wish he could read Yixing’s mind._

_They were sitting by the pier, their legs dangling off the edge while the river lazed smoothly underneath them. In front of them the sky stretched into a canvas of colours, bleeding together. Somewhere in the distance, a horn blared and a cyclist’s bell tinkled but it was all background noise as Luhan and Yixing concentrated solely on each other. For Luhan, he could not help but focus on Yixing when he was around him and for Yixing, he was lost in his own world as usual but at that particular moment, Luhan was a part of his enigmatic bubble._

_They had dropped Yixing’s grandmother off at the station because she had a hospital appointment due and she couldn’t stay for long. Afterwards, Yifan had miraculously been ‘needed’ by his ‘mother’ who was out of the country (but Yixing didn’t need to know that). At first, Luhan had been confused by Yifan’s excuse for leaving but when he caught onto his friend’s antics, Luhan smiled gratefully at Yifan and held back a laugh. That was how he ended alone with Yixing._

_“Hmm.” Luhan hummed, unable to look away from Yixing or reply with a full comprehensive sentence._

_“I like the colours in the sky,” Yixing said, pointing at the sky with the tip of his cone, “but more than that, there’s like a tangible slowed movement of time. This blue-ish purple haze of twilight that stays for a few brief minutes makes it feel like time is crawling very slowly and this is the time of the day where I can breathe and take a minute to just…stop…and feel alive. I-“ Yixing abruptly cut off. “I’m sorry. I must be confusing you with my rambling.”_

_“I kind of understand.” Luhan smiled, finally looking away as Yixing turned his attention to him._

_“What about you? What time of the day do you like most?”_

_“Mornings.”_

_“Why?”_

_“I feel happy, starting a new day.” –seeing you each day makes every morning great- is what Luhan actually wanted to say but he realized with a decent amount of sorrow that he couldn’t say that out loud and besides, it was no longer true. Mornings would no longer be as glorious because Luhan wouldn’t be waking up to a new day filled with possibilities of running into Yixing._

_“Most people, including myself, hate mornings. You’re enthusiastic. I like that.” Yixing commented, giving Luhan an approving smile. Luhan pleaded with the gods to not allow his cheeks to colour, but his prayer went unheard. He was yet again blushing._

_“I-“ Luhan began but let out a shrill cry when he saw what was happening to Yixing. Yixing’s ice cream had begun to slant towards the river and instead of tilting the cone back towards him, Yixing also began to tilt towards the river and began making helpless sounds._

_“Aiyo!” Yixing exclaimed, eyes wide in panic and staring forward into the river he was leaning to._

_“Yixing!” Luhan yelled, holding onto Yixing’s shoulders and pushing him back just in time. They fell back on the pier with the momentum and Luhan ended up sprawled half way on Yixing’s chest. They stared at each other for a few moments. Their faces were close, their upper halves were pressed together. They were breathing the same oxygen and their heartbeats were indiscernible._

_After the longest ten seconds of his life had passed in slow motion, Luhan finally noticed the compromised position they had come to be in and swiftly lifted himself off of Yixing’s body, colouring fiercely with embarrassment._

_For a heartbeat, nothing was said as Yixing sat up._

_“Uhm- Ah- Thank you for saving me.” Yixing eventually said, seeming like he was completely aware of the present and not looking into it from a hazy glass, for the first time that day. If Luhan had been looking at him, he would have seen the blush on Yixing’s face and the sudden shyness that appeared in his eyes._

_“It’s okay. It’s not like you would have died. I only saved you from getting wet.” Luhan tried to smile despite his lingering embarrassment._

_“Actually I may have drowned. I don’t know how to swim.” Yixing confessed quietly, taking Luhan by surprise._

_“Really?” Luhan sputtered,” I might be small but I’m strong. I’d still save you.” Luhan now smiled brightly, reassuring Yixing with a sweet smile._

_Yixing blinked. Then, he blinked again. There was a strange feeling in his chest. It felt like feathers were tickling his heart. Amidst this strange feeling, he couldn’t help but notice that Luhan had such a pretty smile. It was so lovely. It was innocent and sincere. He liked it, almost as much as the sky above them that moment._

_“I believe you would.” Yixing said, poking Luhan with a hint of a smile._

_The two turned back to the lake, a comfortable silence descending. The brief incident from moments before subconsciously had them sitting closer. Their shoulders were touching and the tips of their fingers brushed where their hands rested on the pier between their bodies._

_They silently watched the sky change colours, darkness beginning to hug every object. A slight breeze began, perfuming the air with smells of the city and the smell of silt and salinity but also lowering the temperatures. Luhan shivered lightly and since the two male’s bodies were in contact, Yixing felt it._

_“Cold?” Yixing turned to Luhan._

_“Just a bit but I’m okay.” Luhan tried to brush it off, even though his teeth were chattering slightly._

_“Don’t lie. Your nose will grow longer, which is not necessary since it seems to be quite alright right now.” Yixing scolded and to Luhan’s utter bafflement, Yixing picked up Luhan’s hand and placed it in his own, rubbing the two hands together._

_“W-what are you doing?” Luhan stuttered, his eyes bulging._

_“I’m trying to warm you up.” Yixing replied absently, staring at Luhan with a thoughtful expression. Suddenly, he dropped Luhan’s hand and took his suit jacket off._

_“What are you doing now?” Luhan shrieked, wondering what in the world possessed Yixing to start undressing._

_“Here, you still look cold. Wear it.” Yixing said gently but unyieldingly, holding the jacket out to put on Luhan. Luhan wanted to resist but Yixing’s eyes were determined. He thought he would faint from the amount of skin-ship he was having with the boy he’d been crushing on for years. It was like some divine force pitied his sincere but futile feelings and this sudden influx of touches between him and Yixing was a small consolation. Small. Because it felt like he could drape himself with Yixing and it still wouldn’t be enough. Gulping, Luhan allowed Yixing to put the article of clothing on him, smiling gratefully at Yixing and getting a kind smile in return._

_They talked. Suddenly, it wasn’t cold anymore because Yixing was pressed right next to Luhan. They weren’t tired because there was an unexplainable adrenaline coursing through them. They talked and talked and talked. And there were small silences, comfortable and allowing them a little time to digest everything they were learning about each other. They talked about the things that mattered and the things that didn’t matter, although it seemed almost everything didn’t matter because the next day, they would go back to being acquainted strangers. Well, for Yixing that was. Luhan was just accepting this serendipitous miracle, allowing himself to fall just a little farther, a little harder for Yixing when he knew morning would take him away and this night would only be one of his best memories._

_They talked and they laughed._

_They shared intimate details with each other._

_Luhan admired Yixing, more so than usual and more closely. And Yixing, for the first time, someone managed to captivate him completely, take him out of his head and engage him entirely with the present._

_So they laughed and they talked and they shared because there would be no consequences. They were merely two strangers stranded on the same road, and when they arrived at their respective destinations, they would part ways. But for that night, they shared their reckless thoughts with each other._

_*_

__

_ Yuanfen (Binding Force)  _

_{Isn’t it funny how some people can be fated to meet but aren’t destined to be together? You could meet the person who completes you on the street, at the airport, in a convenience store, on public transport or brush by each other at the subway. On the other hand, your fate could allow you to meet and be in each other’s presence for a longer amount of time such as; being co-workers, sit next to each other on public transport, be stuck on the same elevator or perhaps **be students at the same school.** This prolonged amount of time spent with The One who was meant to be yours and yours only, isn’t different from brushing by them briefly on the street or passing by each other in the same isle in a store, just because one is spending more time with them. In the end, you’ll be separated. Because Fate never assured one eternity. All Fate ever did was deliver, not seal together. _

_But Destiny. Destiny truly binds. Yuanfen is what doesn’t allow The Red String to break. Yuanfen is what binds. Yuanfen is Destiny. }_

_*_

**_SIX MONTHS BEFORE_ **

_“Luhan, the Professor is already here!” Yifan hissed at Luhan through the phone._

_“I know! I’m on my way!” Luhan said in panic, half running, half speed walking while he managed to hold his phone between his ear and his neck since his hands were juggling notebooks and a paper cup of coffee._

_It was a chilly December morning. Luhan was wearing an oversized sweater and a scarf wrapped tightly around his delicate neck. He scowled, seeing the conspicuous brown stain on his gray sweater, a result of unconsciously tilting his coffee cup while answering the phone. He blamed Yifan for this._

_The sky was a metallic gray and the air was foggy. The cold was biting and Luhan was far too underdressed but he had woken up late and had very little time to dress accordingly._

_Amidst his run-walk, he was suddenly knocked back and he fell to the ground with an; “oof!” his notebooks and the papers that had been nestled between the pages scattered around him and his coffee cup landed on his chest, further soiling his cloth. It had already cooled down, it did not scald him but it had definitely ruined his clothes._

_“Oh.” Luhan said in despair, pouting at his chest. He felt a sense of despondency settle over him. He was late, his clothes were ruined and his notebooks had landed on the slick ground that had been rained upon last night. Luhan felt tears well in his eyes. This day wasn’t going to well for him._

_Suddenly, a hand appeared on his torso, dabbing tissues onto the now large and spreading coffee stain._

_“Sorry, sorry, I’m so sorry,” the person was repeatedly muttering._

_Luhan sat still, a little taken aback. All he could see was a head of glossy chestnut locks and a pale neck as the person bent over them, earnestly trying to clean the mess only a washing machine could clean at this point._

_“It’s not going.” The person said with a sad voice, finally giving up and leaning back. Luhan’s eyes widened considerably, a small gasp leaving his lips. He felt his heart beat faster, emotion making his chest flutter. The person, a young male, who he’d bumped into was so handsome, he felt his lungs stop working for a fraction of a second. Luhan stared at the depthless chocolate coloured eyes, wondering if his eyes were playing tricks on him. His features were almost perfect, sculpted with precision. A dimple dented his cheek as he frowned in disappointment of not being able to get the stain out of Luhan’s sweater._

_“Yixing?” Luhan whispered, afraid that he was dreaming, afraid that he would blink and a random stranger would replace Yixing._

_Yixing finally looked up and blinked at Luhan, surprise scrunching up his features, his mouth forming a small ‘o’. Feelings he thought he was successfully burying came back to Luhan like a wave, taking him mercilessly, drowning him again. He mere joy of seeing his high school crush made Luhan want to grab his face and kiss his lips._

_“Luhan!” Yixing exclaimed, his eyes lighting up in recognition. He looked delighted to see Luhan, his dimples deepening, (Luhan didn’t think it was even possible)._

_“Hi.” Luhan said shyly, looking down. Both had momentarily forgotten the predicament they were in. The atmosphere had become hazy for Luhan, like he were living in a dream. Or perhaps a memory. The memory of Yixing._

_But Yixing was real, not matter how much of a miracle it seemed to be. Luhan had steeled himself with the knowledge that graduation day was the last he’d see of Yixing. He understood that it was time to move on. But it had been hard. Forgetting, naturally, isn’t easy. Forgetting the possibility of something that was never really yours seemed to be harder. Nevertheless, he had been making progress. And serendipitously, Yixing was now in front of him, real and within his grasp._

_*_

****

**_PRESENT DAY_ **

 

Sunlight filtered through the room in the space between where the drawn white flimsy curtains met. Brown boxes lay piled in one corner and stacked against the walls. A large double bed sat in the middle of the room and two bodies lay curled against each other. Soft snores and steady breaths was the soundtrack of the morning. All was peaceful, quiet and comfortable on this cold but bright winter morning. Until the shrill sound of an alarm clock cut into the tranquility.

“Aiyo!” One occupant of the bed yelled, waking with a start. The other roused more elegantly, with a soft smile and puffy eyes. The one who had been frightened out of sleep by the alarm looked around dazedly, when seeing nothing life threatening in the room, promptly burrowed back into the sheets, completely disregarding the fact that the purpose of an alarm clock was to _wake_ one up.

“Yixing-ah,” Luhan half sang, half chuckled at his boyfriend’s cute action. Hearing incoherent mumbling as a reply, Luhan made himself content with watching his boyfriend sleep. Luhan was as smitten with Yixing as he was when he first fell for him. He still found his face stunning, even first thing in the morning. He still loved his voice, wanting to listen to him talk all day. He still admired all the qualities Yixing held as person. Except now he could gently press his lips against Yixing’s, he could hold Yixing’s hand, stare without restraint, hug him out of the blue, make love with him, wake up by his side each morning and do every other thing one does with the person they are madly in love with. It had been almost four years since Luhan first fell in love with Yixing, a year since their paths had crossed again, six months since they’d officially got together. And he felt like they had the rest of their days together.

“Yixing-ah,” Luhan repeated after he was satisfied that he had admired Yixing’s sleeping face enough. Pulling back the covers, he straddled Yixing and buried his face in the sleeping male’s neck.

“Mmh.” Yixing breathed and Luhan hugged him tighter.

“Lu-heart, let me breathe please.” Yixing said sleepily but he was definitely awake now. How could one sleep when an adorable human koala (also known as his boyfriend) clung to you? Yixing ran a hand through Luhan’s hair and wrapped another hand around his waist. He shifted to his side so that both his and Luhan’s side were touching the mattress, facing each other.

“Morning.” Yixing smiled lazily at Luhan. Luhan blushed from how his boyfriend was staring at him and decided to burrow in Yixing’s chest instead of replying.

“Aiyo Lu-heart, please don’t be so cute at this hour of the morning, I might not make it out bed. No - _we_ might not make it out of bed.”  Yixing teased, gently pushing Luhan’s face away from his body.

“Is this real?” Luhan asked in a daze as he stared timidly at Yixing.

“Yes. You and I are now living together, Lu-heart. We’re going to wake up next to each other every morning.” Yixing assured Luhan.

To others, they might have been moving too fast or too slow, having been dating for six months. But to them, it was a comfortable pace. They felt that it was the right time to live together. They had practically been living in each other’s dorms. Renting a flat together wasn’t much of a stretch. Except it was. Luhan found himself strangely shy that morning. It was strange because they had gone so far in their relationship, had been physically intimate, emotionally attached to each other at this point but waking up on their first morning of living together made him feel nervous. He didn’t think it would have been so different from living together in the dorms but it was.

It was like Luhan and Yixing were now in their own world where they could not be disturbed nor disrupted. An impenetrable bubble. In the dorms, either of their room-mates could have come barging in, they didn’t have to cook for each other, there was a cafeteria for that, they didn’t take care of bills or grocery. There were a lot of domestic things they didn’t do in the dorms. And now Luhan realized, with zeal, that they would all those homely things couples who lived together did. Their relationship had shifted to a new direction and while Luhan was elated by this, he couldn’t help the anxiety pooling in his stomach. There were so many ‘what ifs’ playing in his mind. What if things didn’t go as well as they thought they would? What if living together became difficult for them? What if Yixing got tired of Luhan?

The last what if was the most prevalent ‘what if’ in Luhan’s thoughts. After meeting again towards the end of the first semester of their first year, Luhan and Yixing had met often, initially because Luhan insisted on showing Yixing around but after that, they had fallen into a comfortable friendship of sorts. Until eventually one drunken night (Luhan wouldn’t break any records for his holding liquor (maybe for failing horribly at doing so), moreover, he was a sentimental drunk) ended up confessing all his feelings for Yixing. Yixing had taken it in stride, not allowing it to change their friendship. Not long after, Yixing also made his confession (completely sober), that feelings for Luhan had struck him on that graduation night.

Luhan felt like jubilation was in order. He could not believe Yixing felt anything besides platonic emotions for him. In fact, it took Yixing a while to convince Luhan that his feelings were genuine and it was not a prank or a confession borne of sympathy for Luhan’s unrequited feelings. Up to this date in their relationship, Luhan couldn’t help the seed of nagging doubt and fear, ‘what if Yixing doesn’t truly like him? What if Yixing, being the kind of empathic person that he is, felt bad for Luhan?’ Luhan had liked Yixing far longer than they had been together and far longer than Yixing had liked him. So that fear that his feelings were unrequited or drastically more in measure than what Yixing felt for him always ate away at Luhan, little by incessant little.

“Feels like a dream.” Luhan admitted quietly, once again burrowing into Yixing.

“It’s real.” Yixing pulled Luhan onto him again, hugging him tight and pressing kisses onto his temple.

“I think we might have to eat out for breakfast since our kitchen is empty.” Yixing mussed after a long comfortable silence, rubbing circles on Luhan’s lower back.

“I have a different idea of food though.” Luhan smirked, sitting up on Yixing’s stomach. He ran a hand down Yixing’s chest and though Yixing was wearing a t-shirt, he couldn’t help the shiver of anticipation that ran through his body. Luhan leaned down and kissed Yixing’s jawline, kiss after kiss. Yixing’s eyes widened but he made no move to stop his boyfriend.

After being satisfied that he had begun to arouse his boyfriend, Luhan shifted back on Yixing’s torso, aligning their groins. Then ever so slowly, he began to move hips, looking Yixing directly in the eyes with a soft yet seductive smile.

“Ah,” Luhan lifted his head to the ceiling, beginning to lose himself in the pleasant sensations his movement was bringing him. He began to roll his hips more vigorously against Yixing, feeling both of them harden. He bit his lip as his arousal grew, his member almost aching.

Yixing watched his boyfriend steer them both to the edge. Luhan looked so sexy, sitting on top of him like that, moving his hips fiercely but sensually slow. Heat was beginning to pool in Yixing’s core, slowing coiling and coiling, wounding him up tightly. Luhan was now moaning freely, head thrown back, hair slightly messy from bedhead. Yixing was hard then. And he wanted to just pin his boyfriend under him and make his screams echo in their yet to be fully furnished flat.

Flipping their positions again, Yixing pressed Luhan into the bed, not once breaking the contact between their bodies. Their groans were still unbearably touching.

“Yixing,” Luhan whimpered, looking up at his boyfriend with pleading and glazed eyes.

“You started Luhan,” Yixing reminded him, leaning down to place a soft kiss on the side of Luhan’s neck. He continued to leave little butterfly kisses all over Luhan’s neck and on his earlobe, making Luhan moan and whimper Yixing’s name.

“Do you think little Lu-heart,” Yixing began, holding Luhan’s lower lip between his teeth, “that you can cum this way?” Yixing ground his hips into Luhan’s a little harder, resulting in Luhan moaning louder than he had all morning.

“Is that a yes?” Yixing teased, licking the sensitive skin behind Luhan’s ear, still gyrating his hips mercilessly and driving Luhan a little closer to pleasure-filled insanity. Gripping Luhan’s shoulder, Yixing finally gave in to his boyfriend’s appealing look and finally kissed his lips. Luhan was still moaning but Yixing was swallowing all his moans, caressing the inside of his mouth slowly, soothingly, reaching deeper and deeper as he tilted Luhan’s head so they could deepen the kiss. Luhan wrapped his arms tightly around Yixing’s middle and pushed them closer, wanting his boyfriend’s body to cover him, smoother him in the heat that was spreading through his entire body.

“Cl-closer,” Luhan urged Yixing, breaking the kiss for half a second before surrendering to Yixing’s onslaught on his lips.

Humming in reply, Yixing half picked his boyfriend up, pressing their bodies flush together while simultaneously pushing him into the mattress, moving their lower bodies together faster, harder.

No matter how hard or fast they moved against each other, they were heading towards completion painfully slow. Their members were poking each other through the pyjama pants they were wearing, a delicious but insufficient friction.

“Y-Yixing, ah!” Luhan half yelled, half moaned, trying to reach for his member but Yixing instantly halted his hand.

“No Lu. We’re going to cum like this, hard, fast yet very slow.” Yixing whispered huskily in Luhan’s ear, linking his hands with his boyfriend’s.

 

They didn’t have time for breakfast that morning and ended up running to make it to their respective lectures.

 

 

*

 

 

Luhan dragged his tired self to the subway. He had had two consecutive lectures which had lasted three hours and four hours respectively. Not only was he beyond exhausted but he also had an exhausting load of assignments. Luhan wondered why he was taking all these unnecessary classes when all he ever wanted to do was act. He didn’t want business and he certainly wouldn’t need business management when he was majoring in Theatre but those had been the terms for Luhan’s parents allowing him to travel his own path. They thought that Luhan was just going through a phase in wanting to go into entertainment and when he ‘snapped’ out of it, he would need his further business studies. But this was the reason why Luhan and his parents never got along. And Luhan was determined to prove that his passion for acting was not just a whim and he did not want to be an heir to their successful firm. He wasn’t an only child, his brother could do fulfil that role instead.

 

Yixing only had one class that day and had already left the campus long before Luhan did but Luhan knew exactly where he was. Walking into Ai Kafei, Luhan merely smiled before the girl behind the counter smiled back and began brewing his regular order of coffee. Ai Kafei had easily become his favourite café simply because Luhan could swear Fei, the girl behind the counter, made the best coffee in all of Beijing, possibly in all of China and despite its top notch servings of caffeine, it was miraculously unpopulated and Luhan loved the lack of clustering of customers. It wasn’t a run-down café that would soon be out of business. But it seemed that the residents and commuters of Beijing preferred the more modern and well-advertised Starbucks that seemed to be located in their dozens on each street.

“Tiring day?” Fei smiled at Luhan as he collapsed on a high stool near the counter. Luhan only groaned in reply, laying his head on the marble counter. The smooth stone had never felt so comfortable against his cheek and Luhan was just about to doze off when Fei flicked his ear.

“Ouch!” Luhan exclaimed, making a show of holding his assaulted ear while glaring at his assailant. Fei just gave him a sugary smile in return.

“Honestly, I thought you were past the stage of wooing Yixing. Why are you still doing this? He is your boyfriend now, isn’t he?” Fei stared doubtfully at the dozen of mixed coffee beverages she’d made.

“Shut up, I was never ‘wooing’ him.” Luhan grumbled, a slight blush making its way up his neck.

“Anyways dweeb, I feel sorry for your poor weak spaghetti arms. I fear they will fall off if you continue to carry all these by yourself.” Fei said in what Luhan would have mistaken for sincerity if he hadn’t come to know her as well as he did. She was possibly the only person who was more sarcastic than him.

“Oh darling,” Luhan cooed, leaning over the counter so he could be right in Fei’s face as he pouted cutely, “did you honestly think I was doing this for Yixing? I’m only taking pity on you because I saw you sleeping on the street and thought you could use the cash. Tsk tsk.” Luhan said with wide doe eyes, trying to convey his sympathy, but the underlying mock was impossibly to miss.

Luhan had already placed a few bills on the counter and was already out of the door by the time Fei managed to recover from bewilderment and yelled “You deer eyed twink! I’ll get you!”

“Sweet dreams.” Luhan chuckled, even though he knew Fei was no longer in hearing range.

Feeling a little refreshed after that banter, Luhan was a little more clear headed and his gait was now lighter, as compared to earlier when it seemed there was steel in his bones and it hurt him to move around.

One other reason why Ai Kafei was Luhan’s favourite was due to its close proximity to the street where Yixing performed every day.

Yixing had come back to Beijing not long after he had left. His grandmother had threatened to disown him if he gave up all the great opportunities in his life in the name of her sickness. Luhan knew how much Yixing cared for his grandmother and how much leaving her while she was getting more sickly each passing day pained him. But it was either that; following his dreams or facing his grandmother’s unmerciful wrath.

Yixing had been doing a lot of music projects outside of those mandatory for his course, some of the projects involving activities such as busking in Changsha, small performances at every place he got a chance to busk at and playing at various bars and cafes that offered live music on certain days.  Busking was one practice he hadn’t left behind even after coming to Beijing which was much more vast and fast paced. One day before, they had got together, as he was passing this particular street, Luhan came across a familiar voice belting notes out on the side of the street. To his surprise, it turned out to be none other than Yixing.

At a later date, Luhan found out that the street Yixing performed on was usually occupied by the unfortunately homeless souls. Yixing performed there so as to attract the attention of people to the homeless who had small odd containers to collect the few coins they were tossed. Since Yixing had started performing on that street, it had prompted more and more people to pass by just to hear his voice which many had come to love upon hearing it. Sometimes his more regular spectators passed by that street, even if it inconvenienced them, just to hear his voice. Luhan was convinced that Yixing had accumulated a fan base comprised of different genders and a variety of age groups. The effect the beauty of Yixing’s voice had on people did not discriminate age nor gender.

What made Yixing an even more remarkable person to Luhan was the fact that Yixing never used a dime he made from busking. At the end of his performance, which lasted odd durations due to the fact that he was a university student who was struggling with multiple tasks at once, all the money he had made would be handed over to the homeless people and thus they had started to be able to afford steady meals and the occasional necessities. 

Initially, bringing coffee for the people Yixing busked for was just another excuse to see Yixing himself, it didn’t come from the good of Luhan’s heart. But over time not only was Luhan satisfied by the smile that lit up Yixing’s face when he saw what Luhan was doing, but getting to know the people he was helping out in the name of Yixing, changed him. And he never stopped because he always came by to see Yixing. When Yixing began singing and playing his guitar, Luhan was physically unable to look away or focus elsewhere.

But soon after he began regularly visiting Yixing during his busking, Luhan noticed that he wasn’t the only one. Sometimes, he wondered if some of the people stopping by even stopped for the music or to ogle at Yixing. Luhan was in no way discrediting Yixing’s musical abilities, he was a miracle unto himself. But the look on some of those people’s faces made Luhan’s stomach churn, he could see them undress Yixing with their eyes. There was a hunger in their eyes that Luhan wanted to protect Yixing from. And this wasn’t only restricted to females. Honestly, the males were worse.

 Luhan glared all he could but most of Yixing’s visual molesters didn’t even see him, they were too focused on Yixing. He didn’t blame them but they hadn’t been feeling some type of way for Yixing for several years. They didn’t know Yixing’s likes, dislikes, the colour of his eyes in certain lights, the look on his face while playing music when he thought he was completely alone (it was definitely different; raw and experimental), they didn’t know how kind he was or how far he’d go to take care of his loved ones.

They didn’t know anything about Yixing. And it was unfair that they wanted him. If Yixing found it strange when Luhan began to get a little… _touchy_ with him during his performances, he didn’t mention it. It wasn’t much. Not at first at least. Just placing a placid hand on his shoulder, touching Yixing’s face with some affection before claiming he had an eyelash stuck on his cheek, almost back-hugging Yixing in claims of giving Yixing’s ‘tense shoulders a massage’. Yixing didn’t think much of nor reject Luhan’s advances, only smiled up at him and continued to sing.

After they began dating though, Luhan’s advances changed drastically. Every so often, Luhan would need to ‘whisper’ in Yixing’s ear. He would need to whisper in such a way that his mouth was right against Yixing’s earlobe and his lips ‘accidentally’ brushed over the soft skin there, making Yixing gasp. The first time it happened, Yixing was paralyzed for a few minutes afterwards and only when Luhan waved a hand in front of him, his face suggestively sweet saying “Yixing-ah, it’s time to play,” did he snap out of it, looking dazed. Yixing soon got used to it and Luhan could have sworn Yixing was even _leaning_ into him.  Slowly the overly intimate whispering escalated from Luhan burying his face in Yixing’s neck ( _my lips are cold Yixing-ah and your skin is warm, you don’t want me to turn blue now, do you?)_ to Luhan completely placing himself on Yixing’s lap and tightly wrapping his arms around Yixing’s torso and refusing to let go _(my whole body is cold Yixing-ah and I need you to warn me up, you don’t want me to die of hypothermia now, do you?)_

All of this took place in the time Yixing took a small break to eat with the homeless people who had gathered around him, Yixing had become some sort of messiah to them.  At first Luhan had been bewildered by this. He wondered how Yixing could be so much at ease with people whom he hardly knew, that he just saw on the street. There was also the prejudice against the poor that they were all ‘pick pockets and criminals of petty felonies’ due to their poverty. But Yixing had disregarded all that and helped them out all the same, got to know them individually. And when Luhan’s own misconceptions began to thaw, he made conversation with them and eventually found out that the poor were just people like himself, most of them being born into such unfortunate situations in which they had no control over. Thus Luhan began to _want_ to help them.  Not for the first time in his life, Luhan began to change because of Yixing and Luhan was awed at how he was freefalling for Yixing all over again.

 

“Hi guys.” Luhan smiled as he approached his boyfriend and the small group sitting around him.

“Luhan!” several voices yelled simultaneously.

“Howin! Biyu!” Luhan exclaimed back with excitement. He let out a soft yelp while trying to maintain his balance as the two children attached themselves to his leg and earnestly confessed how much they missed him.

“I have something for you, let me just pass these out, okay?” Luhan lowered himself to their level and fondly gazed at the two girls who had quickly made his way into his heart.

“Okay Luhan-ge!”

Luhan greeted the familiar warm faces, swiftly gave out the coffees to receive much appreciation and returned to the children waiting patiently for him. He purposely ignored the one person he had been dying to see all day. If he so much as looked in Yixing’s direction, he feared he’d latch himself onto him in a similar fashion to the way Howin and Biyu had latched themselves on his legs. Except he didn’t think he could be reasoned into letting go.

Reaching into his shoulder bag, Luhan pulled out the sandwiches he had hurriedly bought before leaving campus. He was hungry but in the past months, his taste buds had become reliant on Yixing’s cooking and the sole reason for purchasing those sandwiches was for the sake of the two little angelic beings that made him realize how much he liked kids and had an affinity for getting along with them. Being the youngest in a household of two children made him feel like an only child; he and his brother revolved completely different orbits in completely different galaxies.

After handing Howin and Biyu the food, he was rewarded with a “Luhan-ge, you’re the best!” and “Luhan-ge, I’m going to marry you one day!”

Chuckling, Luhan told Biyu that he would be waiting for their wedding, proceeded to giving both girls a fond pat on the head and finally turned around to see his favourite pair of eyes already gazing at him with mirth.

“You ignored me.” Yixing accused as Luhan drew closer. Luhan stopped when he was within arms-length of Yixing, smiling knowingly.

“I did.” Luhan confessed, swinging on his feet with his hands clasped behind his back, looking at Yixing with all the innocence he could muster.

“Why did you do that?” Yixing frowned at Luhan, pretending to be hurt.

“Because,” Luhan began, taking one small dramatic step at a time closer, “if I started with you, I wouldn’t be able to see anyone else.” Luhan finished candidly, stepping right against Yixing’s chest. Yixing sputtered, a crimson blush creeping into his cheeks, obviously not expecting that reply. Lost for words, Yixing quickly pulled Luhan into a hug, effectively wiping the cheeky smile from his face.

Every tense knot in Luhan’s body loosened and he almost _melted_ into Yixing at that moment. His boyfriend was not much taller than him but Luhan was a bit more slight, more petite, and Yixing engulfed his smaller body. Somewhere behind Yixing came several coos and an “Aw, do you see that Chaoxiang?” and Luhan bashfully pressed his face into Yixing’s chest.

“You’re later than usual Lu-heart.” Yixing murmured into the side of Luhan’s face, one hand deeply buried in Luhan’s hair and softly caressing the locks.

“Classes, too long,” Luhan replied breathily, wanting to press himself even closer to Yixing. He couldn’t help it. Yixing’s touches, however brief, however innocent, aroused an insatiable part of him.

“You must be tired, baby. Let’s go home.” Yixing said in sympathy, pressing a small kiss to Luhan’s check before letting him go.

“B-but aren’t you going to play?” Luhan asked, surprised. It hadn’t even reached the time Yixing would pack up even on his shortest day of busking and Luhan was puzzled.

“I’m finished for today. We have a house to set up, did you forget?” Yixing said, eyes sparkling with excitement and pride.

“Oh,” Luhan said, beginning to smile. The satisfaction from being able to live in a house together slowly spread through Luhan, mirroring Yixing’s grin. _I have the sweetest boyfriend in the world_ Luhan thought, starting forward to help Yixing gather his things.

Just as Yixing and Luhan were bidding everyone goodbye, from the warm hearted homeless people, to the last spectators, they heard an “Oh! Am I too late? You’re already leaving?”

Luhan’s blood froze in his veins and Yixing turned around innocently.

“Ah Longwei! Hello! Yes, I’m sorry. There’s something I need to do today so I’m leaving early.” Yixing replied with a cheerful face. Longwei was one of Yixing’s regular spectators, fitting in the category of those who inconvenienced themselves to listen to Yixing sing. He also fit in the category that undressed Yixing with his eyes and made Luhan bristle with the anger coursing through his veins.

“I see. Oh, it’s your friend, Lu…Lu hen was it?” Longwei finally glanced at Luhan with a barely there smirk, disdain and challenge clear in his eyes.

“I’m not-“ Luhan began just as Yixing said; “Luhan, it’s Luhan.”

“I’m bad with names.” Longwei shrugged indifferently, not even having the conscience to apologize.

“But Yixing became my favourite name the first time I heard it. I could never forget it.” Longwei leaned closer to Yixing, lowering his voice as if sharing a secret with Yixing.

By now Luhan was almost seeing red.

_How dare he flirt with **my** **boyfriend** , right in front of me?_

The anger coiled itself in Luhan’s throat, rendering him incapable of coherent speech. He clenched his fists tightly. Luhan felt dizzy with the speed thoughts of how he could castrate Longwei and make him eat his own dick flitted through his brain.

“Really? Uh…Thank you.” Yixing said politely, smiling. Luhan felt like vomiting. He knew Yixing didn’t mean anything by it, it just his polite and kind nature shining through. But it still hurt Luhan that his boyfriend had accepted advances made on him while his Luhan was right by his side. Having had enough, Luhan pulled at Yixing’s sleeve in annoyance, reminding the boy that they needed to get going. When Yixing didn’t get the message immediately, Luhan felt his annoyance deepen.

“I also really love my **boyfriend’s** name. It sounds nice when I scream it. Now, Yixing and I really need to go.” Luhan finally snapped and without waiting for a reply, he dragged Yixing off, leaving a sputtering Longwei.

Luhan dragged Yixing like a rag doll through the crowded streets, almost dislocating Yixing’s arm in the process. Shocked over his boyfriend’s outburst, Yixing remained silent and allowed himself to be manhandled by his smaller, usually cute, but currently fuming boyfriend. The guitar case strapped onto Yixing’s back kept bumping into the back of his legs and Yixing grimaced as he stumbled along with Luhan. Finally, after leading him to a secluded corner of the subway station, Luhan let Yixing out of his bruising grip. He whirled around, fully prepared to let out his pent up anger but as soon as he saw Yixing’s face, he faltered.

Yixing was gazing down at Luhan with a wounded but perplexed look, his eyes wide and suspiciously glistening, his nose red and his open, forming a small circle. His hair was falling into his eyes, making him blink faster. It was so freaking cute that Luhan found himself temporarily forgetting he was pissed, instead wanting to pepper Yixing’s face with kisses.

“What’s wrong, Lu-heart?” Yixing asked in concern, a little freaked out by how silent his boyfriend was being, considering he had dragged him halfway through Beijing in anger.

“I-I,” Luhan stuttered, trying to remember what it was he was supposed to say. Really, it was unfair the effect Yixing had on him. And when Yixing called him ‘Lu-heart’, he truly was a goner.

“It’s just that…” Luhan began, squirming under Yixing’s expectant gaze.

_It’s just that I’m really fucking jealous because everyone who meets you wants you and I’m scared one day you’ll realize I’m not that special and you’ll leave me for someone who is just as magical as you._

But he couldn’t tell Yixing that. If Yixing wanted to be with someone else, he would have already been with them. He had nothing to worry about, Luhan try to convince himself, playing the words on a loop in his head. He was several centuries from believing them but if he told it to himself over and over again, he could at least drown out the loud insecurities.

“We’re going to be late for arranging our things. And I-I’m hungry.” Luhan promptly came up with a half assessed lie.

“But you were-“ Yixing began to argue but Luhan quickly silenced him, “Really, it was nothing. I’m sorry for over reacting.” Luhan tried to smile sheepishly. He didn’t know which felt worse, the jealously still churning in his stomach or the guilt of lying to Yixing. Cementing his lie, Luhan reached up and placed a kiss on Yixing’s lips. Yixing let out a surprised gasp at the sudden attack on his lips but he recovered swiftly and pressed his lips back on Luhan’s. But Luhan didn’t want soft. He unceremoniously shoved his tongue into Yixing’s mouth, roughly controlling the kiss. Yixing almost squawked again in surprise but surprise quickly gave way to pleasure as Luhan lightly placed his hand on Yixing’s groin, discreetly palming him.

Suddenly, the monotonous voice of the automated announcer reached the dark corner Luhan had shepherded Yixing into and it was a cue that their train had arrived.

Giving Yixing one last rough peck, Luhan stepped back and smiled softly, his former demeanour completely gone, replaced by the normal and sweet Luhan Yixing was used to. Yixing didn’t have much time to dwell on his confusion before Luhan placed his hand in his and this, gently, led him onto their train home.

“Yixing-ah?” Luhan asked when they had managed to find seats at the back.

“Yes Lu-heart?” Yixing said hopefully, thinking Luhan would explain what had happened before they boarded the train, what Luhan’s outburst had been about.

“Go out with me this weekend.” Luhan said softly, his eyes pleading with Yixing not to ask questions. The latter could not understand the fear in Luhan’s eyes. They frequently went out together, doing various activities that counted as dates. One week Yixing would ask Luhan out and vice versa the week after. Just because they had been together for a while now did not mean their yearning to go to places together had ceased. But looking at Luhan, Yixing released there was fear of being _rejected_ in his eyes and Yixing could not understand why.

“Lu-heart, are you really okay? Tell me what’s wrong.” Yixing insisted concernedly, picking up Luhan’s hand and rubbing comforting circles on his palm. Luhan bit his lip, trying to stop the truth from spilling out of his mouth.

“It’s just- I- I feel we had a lot to do at school this week and we haven’t spent much time together!” Luhan said fast, hoping his boyfriend would not catch on to the lie.

“Are you sure?” Yixing said, still not completely convinced. It was true that they had been very busy that week due to school and work but they had spent every night together, talking or watching something until they feel asleep curled with each other.

“Do you not miss me?” Luhan pouted, looking at Yixing accusingly. Yixing stared at Luhan for a while before laughing and ruffling his hair.

“Of course I miss you.”

As Luhan cuddled into his side and grumbled about his professor and the work load on their way home, Yixing slowly began to forget Luhan’s suspicious behaviour and let the incident go.

 

 

*

 

“Paint balling?” Yixing asked in surprise as they entered the building. Luhan had been so discreet and secretive about the whole date, not letting Yixing know a single detail.

“Why? You don’t like paint balling?” Luhan said, panicked. _I should have asked_ he thought. _Oh god, why didn’t I ask?_

“Aiyo! No it’s not that, I’ve just never been paint balling before.” Yixing explained, trying to appease his panicking boyfriend. He still did not understand why Luhan had been so jumpy and panicky lately, as though Yixing would run away from him. Yixing did not understand what he did to make Luhan feel this way and he wanted to make it better.

“Oh. I can show you.” Luhan smiled, his eyes lighting up with excitement. He often went paint balling with Yifan and it would be fair to say he was somewhat a champion. Yixing smiled back, relieved that Luhan had calmed down and he was now smiling again. He took Luhan’s hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze before they stopped at the reception.

“Good afternoon.” The receptionist greeted the couple with a practiced smile.

“Hi, we’d like a private zone please.” Luhan requested, getting straight to the point. There was still a special dinner he had requested Henry to prepare and a fireworks display he had arranged so they could not spend the whole day at the paintball facility if they were to do everything Luhan planned. He just wanted one day to take Yixing’s breath away, relax together and remember why they were together.

“I’m afraid all our private zones are either booked out or in use. I apologize. The group zones are still available if you’d like to join a group?” The receptionist offered apologetically. Luhan’s face fell. Why hadn’t he booked a zone for them in advance? Why hadn’t he even thought that they possibly wouldn’t get a zone? It was a popular paintball facility, Luhan knew this. He felt like a complete idiot at that moment. There would be nothing wrong with joining another group but it wasn’t the kind of date he had in mind. It wouldn’t be as private, as _intimate_. Luhan felt like sobbing.

To make matters worse, a familiar face came up next to them at the receptionist’s desk.

“Yixing!” Longwei exclaimed, unceremoniously gripping Yixing’s shoulders and locking him in a hard embrace. Yixing sputtered a greeting against the bigger man’s chest. Luhan’s own chest felt tight. It seemed he was cursed with Murphy’s Law. Everything that could go wrong, was going wrong.

“How about you and _Luhen_ join me and my friends?” Longwei offered with a sweet smile but Luhan could swear he saw the smirk in the jerk’s eyes. Luhan was about to decline for them, take Yixing’s hand and go see a movie while he waited for Henry to give him a sign that their gourmet meal had been prepared. But Yixing turned to Luhan, appealing eyes sparkling with excitement. Luhan did not have the heart to extinguish the light in those eyes so he swallowed the anger clogging his throat and smiled at Yixing, permission granted.

“Well then, it’s settled! A zone for me and my friends please.” Longwei motioned in the direction of Luhan, Yixing and the five men equally well built and expensively dressed as him standing behind him.

“I can pay-“ Luhan stepped up, determined not to let Longwei have any more advantage over him but the man held up a hand.

“Think of it as a present to Yixing for gracing us with his beautiful voice.” Longwei said pompously staring at Yixing, not even sparing Luhan a glance.

Yixing blushed and looked away from Longwei, stepping closer to Luhan. Luhan was so livid at this point that, he felt he could cry. He linked his arm with Yixing’s, pulling him flush against his side protectively.

“Yixing’s voice is beautiful in many ways,” Luhan smirked, looking at Yixing suggestively. _No_ he thought, _no you will not make me feel bad when I am the way who brings Yixing pleasure_. Luhan leaned up and placed a very wet kiss on Yixing’s lips, still staring at his boyfriend suggestively. By now Yixing’s blush had deepened so much, it seemed he had a furnace going under his skin.

When Luhan looked back at Longwei with a satisfied smirk, he could swear the man was about to burst a vein in his forehead. _Good, see that Yixing is rightfully mine_ Luhan thought unapologetically. As he saw see the annoyance on Longwei’s face, Luhan’s own anger began to dwindle and was replaced by pride.

 

 

The octet had received a zone called ‘Zombies Crypt’ in which it was set up as a forest with artificial fog covering the leafy ground. There were several coffins strewn about randomly with coloured skulls scattered everywhere. Black gravestone-like boards with large gray crosses were placed at regular intervals as a hiding spot. The aim was to find the Zombie’s flag hidden in one of the coffins.

They were given black spongy overalls that seemed like police uniforms, the only thing discerning the two teams were one set of uniforms had a red tag around their arms and the other didn’t and a helmet that had a transparent glass that descended over and covered their faces. Paintballs were painful anywhere they landed on, that was a lesson Luhan had learnt the hard way.

To Luhan’s utter despair, he and Yixing had been placed in opposite teams. He tried to argue against it but Longwei’s friends ruffled his hair and conceitedly told him _‘you won’t die if you’re not on the same team as your boyfriend’,_ sneering the last word and making it seem ugly. This whole date was going wrong but in retaliation, Luhan had made sure to help Yixing into his protective clothing, making a show of running his hands over Yixing’s body to ‘smoothen it out’ and giving him a long wet kiss for good luck. Luhan could almost feel Longwei bristle behind him.

The two teams divided, getting as far away from each other as possible to discuss strategy and then proceeding to attack each other. The captain of Luhan’s team was a bossy, tall and permanently sneering man called Hongqi who assigned Luhan to Longwei as a target to take out. Luhan couldn’t say he was sad about this.

They began to move stealthily, trying to see their steps through the fog. They circled back to the church they had seen in the clearing where the two teams had separated, knowing that the most coffins lay there and that the other team would also head there first. Suddenly Luhan heard shuffling to his left and it couldn’t have been his team members because he was the last one and they were all ahead of him. He waited until he heard the definite footsteps and then he shot, bright red ball meeting a shoulder before exploding all over the person’s chest. _Gotcha_ Luhan thought, he hadn’t been mistaken.  Hongqi turned back to look at him and Luhan signalled for him to duck. Nodding, the older man alerted the rest of their teammates.

They hid behind the ridiculously large black gravestones, waiting for the opposing team to move or show themselves. They strained to hear any sound, the cracking of a twig, shuffling of leaves, anything that would alert the presence of someone who wasn’t on their team. When some time had passed and they heard nothing, they began to move again. They were close to the church now but it was eerie how they had not heard or seen the other team apart from that one Luhan had shot. Just as they were inching towards the first coffin, the other team burst out from the trees and began shooting at them.

“Cover!” Hongqi shouted, dodging a ball aimed straight for his groin. Luhan rolled to the ground, taking advantage of the mystic fog seeping from an unknown source. He hid behind a thick tree, the only thing showing was his gun as he shot at the team with the red tag. He was enjoying himself, having forgotten his unease and stress of everything he had prepared going wrong. But it seemed Murphy’s Law really was his best friend that day because just as he was about to duck out from behind the trees and make for the coffins, he heard a pair of voices coming from a bush near a tree that was a few metres away from him. He would have ignored if he hadn’t recognized the voices and it was the two voices he never wanted to hear alone together.

Cautiously, Luhan made his way over, trying not to make any sounds. He stopped when he was a few feet away, everything he needed to see already in display in front of him. He felt his heart stop.

Yixing and Longwei were standing in front of him, both of their helmets off. A bright angry welt was on Yixing’s face and Luhan could only guess it resulted from a paintball. But what made the blood in Luhan’s veins boil was Longwei’s hands _resting_ on Yixing’s cheek, Longwei’s hands _stroking_ Yixing’s lip, Longwei _leaning down_ towards Yixing. He could not believe it. Despite being a sleaze, Luhan would never have guessed Longwei was this much of a sleaze, this much of a manipulative snake.

He saw Yixing turn away and push Longwei away from him, his face shocked. But the damage was done, Luhan’s heart broke a little, he was bewildered, he was furious and he had had enough. His gun clattered on the dry twigs at his feet, alerting the two people in front of him to his presence. No one said a word as the three looked at each other, Luhan looking like wrath incarnate – but breaking inside – Yixing looking like he had received an electric shock and Longwei looking mildly surprised but the turning his expression into a smug one.

“Luhan-“ Yixing began but Luhan didn’t wait for him to finish. Without a word, he took Yixing’s hand and pulled him along with him.

“Luhan! Wait, I can-“

Luhan turned around with an icy look on his face, daring Yixing to continue. Yixing fell silent.

 

 

*

 

 

Luhan shoved his boyfriend into their flat and slammed the door shut, not caring if the sounds rebounded to the first floor. Yixing tried to talk to Luhan several times on their way back but Luhan had suddenly gone mute and it seemed like he had never smiled a day in his life. Frankly, Yixing was a bit scared at this point.

Luhan sat Yixing down on a wooden chair at their dining table before disappearing into the kitchen with a glare at Yixing. The latter fiddled nervously with his shirt, wondering where Luhan had gone, why his boyfriend was not speaking and how to handle the situation.

Luhan came back shortly with a bowl of water and a cloth in his hand. He set down the bowl on the table angrily and dipped the cloth in, silent. The water was soapy and it stung as Luhan carefully dabbed it on the welt on Yixing’s face. Yixing winced at the sting but muttered an apology and kept it in when Luhan stopped and glared at him. It seemed Luhan did not want to hear a sound from him.

When Luhan was satisfied he had cleaned the swollen flesh, he hastily took the bowl and left the room again only to return with a bottle of water and two painkillers. He opened Yixing’s mouth, placed the two pills on his tongue and handed him the bottle, waiting for him to swallow. Yixing followed the instructions obediently.

“Yixing,” Luhan began, trying to make his voice cold but it was hard when his heart was hurting like this. During their way back home he had tried to make himself austere, make himself apathetic so the pain would stay away for just a little bit longer but now he felt like he could collapse.

“I don’t even know what to say to you because I know it’s not your fault.” Luhan said dejectedly, collapsing in the chair opposite Yixing and holding his head in his hands.

“But it hurts Yixing-ah. It really hurts to see other people look at you like that, want you, try and to take you from me when they know very well we’re together.”

“Luhan-“

“You’re so oblivious Yixing. You’re so pure, you only see the good side of people. And I’m afraid of seeming possessive, of constantly nagging at you in case you think I’m crazy or get tired of me because I know you don’t see what I see when people look at you.”

“I’m-“

"It's hard to take you on dates because you're so cute, so talented, so kind and everyone notices, so I'm torn between "yes acknowledge my magnificent boyfriend" and wanting to tell everyone who's staring to fuck off because you’re mine."

“Baby-“

“I’m tired of feeling like this Yixing-ah. I’m tired of not feeling sufficient enough to deserve you.” Luhan’s voice broke and that’s when he couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. He let his head drop onto the table, his shoulders shaking with heart break of feeling like he lost his boyfriend even though Yixing was right in front of him as the sobs racked through his body.

The blood in Yixing’s veins had frozen. He felt like he couldn’t move, shock and guilt gluing him to his chair. He stared aghast as Luhan spilled his feelings and began to sob helplessly. How had it come to this? How had he let Luhan’s anxiety and insecurity run so deep to the point that Luhan was now breaking down?

He found his legs again when Luhan made to stand up and walk out of the room. He rushed forward and took Luhan into his arms, repeatedly muttering “I’m sorry Lu-heart, I’m so sorry,”

Yixing’s back hit the table and he leaned against it as Luhan broke down in his arms. He hugged Luhan tight, wanting to make his pain go away, wanting to make him feel loved and wanting to hold Luhan to him forever so that he wouldn’t leave him for being the worst boyfriend in existence.

All the emotions, the jealousy, the anger, the helplessness Luhan had been holding in for months came gushing out and Luhan cried for what felt like hours while Yixing whispered “I’m sorry” and “Forgive me Lu-heart” in his ear.

Finally his tears ebbed into dry hiccups and the sobs stopped making him shudder.

“Fuck me.” Luhan whispered against Yixing’s skin, wrapping his arms around Yixing’s neck.

“W-what?” Yixing sputtered, holding Luhan back to look at his face; maybe he had misheard.

“Fuck me Yixing.” Luhan stated, looking unapologetically in Yixing’s eyes, “Make me forget.”

Yixing stared at his boyfriend for half a beat to gauge whether he was serious or not, whether this was a trick question or not. When Luhan stared back at him unrelentingly, he slowly gripped Luhan’s waist and turned them around, holding him against the table. He pushed Luhan back onto the table and softly kissed him before he nudged his tongue against Luhan’s lips. He could feel Luhan’s tears on his lips and Yixing almost pulled back and cradled Luhan in his arms again.

He gently lifted Luhan’s shoulder up to pull his shirt over his head and placed kisses as delicate and soft as snowflakes on the petit male’s chest, cradling him, making sure Luhan felt all the love in his actions. But Luhan pushed him back.

“No,” Luhan said, “No. I don’t want soft. I don’t want gentle or loving. Touch me like you mean it.” Luhan said angrily, heat colouring his cheeks.

Yixing stared at his boyfriend, baffled. When he made no move to comply, Luhan groaned and sat up. He pulled Yixing by the belt towards him and wedged him between his knees. He proceeded to attacking Yixing’s lips, shoving his tongue into his mouth, curling their tongues together, moaning into his mouth. He transformed the kiss into a raw messy one, saliva and tongue, lips and teeth.

Yixing finally understood his boyfriend’s need as desire began coursing through him. He trailed down to Luhan’s delicate neck and bit the sensitive skin just underneath Luhan’s Adam’s apple, leaving a dark love bite. He coloured Luhan’s neck with love bites before moving to Luhan’s nipples and sucking them harshly.

“Yixing,” Luhan moaned, tangling his fingers in his Yixing’s hair.

After bruising Luhan’s nipples like he had his neck, he left a trail of kisses down Luhan’s torso until he reached the edge of his pants. He pushed Luhan back, making him lie on the table again. He lifted Luhan’s hips and pulled his pants down swiftly with his boxers, leaving Luhan bare on their dining table.

“Hurry up and fuck me.” Luhan commanded, turned on by Yixing’s roughness.

Yixing began taking off his clothes as fast as he could. Luhan was lying on the table with his legs apart, looking at Yixing with lustful eyes and biting his lip. Yixing found that he was already hard.

He pulled Luhan towards him, the petit body now half on the table half hanging off and spread his legs even further.

“You want rough Lu-heart?” Yixing whispered huskily, prodding at Luhan’s hole. Luhan whimpered in reply. Then Yixing entered Luhan, unlubed, unprepared. He thrust jarringly, gripping Luhan’s hips.

“Yes,” Luhan moaned, moving his hips against Yixing’s. Yixing thrust unforgivingly inside Luhan, staring at him, daring him to stop. Luhan had switched on a part of him he had never known he’d possessed and now all he wanted to do was punish Luhan’s body, make him understand that he was the only one he wanted.

“Is that all you got? Fuck me harder!” Luhan commanded, gyrating his hips harder, meeting Yixing’s every thrust, making their bodies obscene smacking sound and their heavy panting against each other the only sound in the room.

Suddenly Yixing stopped and picked Luhan’s body off the table and Luhan wrapped his legs around the latter’s waist.

“Bedroom.” Was all Yixing said breathlessly before he headed that way, still deeply inside Luhan.

“Yixing, take my body. Make me feel like I’m yours.” Luhan said, trying to thrust down into Yixing as they entered their room.

“I’ll make you scream my name.” Yixing promised, softly throwing Luhan’s body on the bed. Luhan moaned, his hole gaping and needing Yixing’s member now that he was no longer in him.

“Get on your knees.” Yixing commanded, turning Luhan over unceremoniously. Luhan eagerly got into position and held his ass towards Yixing.

Yixing entered Luhan again, groaning at how his boyfriend’s hole encased him, how Luhan rutted against him and took him in deeper. He had never seen Luhan so needy but it only made desire spike through him and want to ravage Luhan’s body. He left scratches down Luhan’s back as he thrust into him, slamming into his body roughly.

“Ah, ah harder Yixing please!” Luhan cried, burying his head in the mattress, hands curling in the sheets.

Yixing reached down and began hastily stroking Luhan’s member at the same speed he was pounding into Luhan. Their sweat was slick against their bodies, their moans loud in the room. They came simultaneously, screaming each other’s name. They fucked out their orgasm desperately, Yixing pulling Luhan up to hold him against his chest.

They collapsed onto the bed, shaking and satisfied. Yixing didn’t let go of Luhan even though they were sweaty and messy with cum. Luhan, physically and emotionally exhausted, could not stay awake any longer; he promptly fell asleep. Yixing laid awake, kissing Luhan’s forehead repeatedly and wondering how he could heal his sweet boyfriend’s wounds.  

 

 

 

*

 

 

“Lu-heart, we have to talk.” Yixing said anxiously, trying to get Luhan to face him. They were sitting in Ai Kafei, drinking hot chocolate while Yixing tried to get Luhan to open up to him. His boyfriend was acting like nothing had happened, that they could carry on as usual after Luhan had let his heart spill like that but Yixing was not having it. Luhan was hurting and he was going to make it better.

“We talked yesterday.” Luhan shrugged, nonchalant.

“No Lu-heart, you talked. I didn’t.” Yixing sighed, taking Luhan’s hand and caressing it.

 “There’s nothing to talk about.” Luhan insisted but Yixing sharply tugged on Luhan’s arm, pulling him into his chest. He wrapped his arms around Luhan, not caring about who looked at them.

“Luhan, how long did you feel like that?” Yixing asked, his tone leaving no room for lies or dodging questions. Luhan sighed.

“Just a little while…Three months.” Luhan admitted when Yixing stared at him unyieldingly.

“Why didn’t you talk to me?” Yixing said sadly, stroking Luhan’s hair. Luhan leaned into his touch, giving up fighting facing his problem.

“I didn’t want you to feel annoyed or burdened. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of what others might see as something small.” Luhan confessed shyly, looking away.

“Luhan,” Yixing groaned, “You’re my boyfriend! Nothing you do will ever be a burden to me. And if you feel badly about something, tell me. We can’t make it work unless we communicate, Lu-heart, do you understand? I will never brush away your feelings.”

“I know- It’s just…you’re really amazing, you know? I sometimes wonder why you’re with me.” Luhan laughed bitterly, feeling horrible even as he said it. Yixing stilled, taking in Luhan’s words.

“Lu-heart, are you still not convinced that I have feelings for you?” Yixing said, shocked at the depth his boyfriend’s insecurity ran. He stared at Luhan but his eyes told him everything he needed to know. He felt himself falter, weaken at the prospect that Luhan thought he didn’t any feelings for him.

“Luhan,” said Yixing but he was lost for words.

“I’m sorry Yixing-ah, this is why I didn’t want to tell you. You don’t deserve this kind of stress. I’m so-“

“Luhan stop!” Yixing said angrily. Several heads swung their way, shocked at the outburst but Yixing couldn’t care less at that moment.

“Stop! Luhan stop!” Yixing said again. He felt so angry, at himself, at Luhan, at both of them. He glared at the eyes staring at them until they looked away. He rarely lost his patience but he felt more confusion and anger than he’d ever felt in his life right then.

“Luhan,” Yixing said in a more hushed but still angry tone.

“Do you think so low of me? Do you think I would string you along like that – for six months! – if I didn’t have any feelings for you? Do you take me to be so cruel?” Yixing demanded, tilting Luhan’s face up to look him in the eye.

“I-“ Luhan began but Yixing wasn’t done talking.

“You tell me I’m amazing but do you ever look at yourself? Lu-heart you’re so wonderful, you literally take my breath away. Ever since we talked, really talked, during graduation, I saw a different side of you I realized you didn’t show anyone else. You’re so talented, you’re so patient with me, do you think I don’t know how absent minded I can be? Anyone else would have left me long ago, but you’re still here! You make me feel like the best person on the planet, you give so much of yourself to me, you try your best not to make me worry. You’re always so bright and cheerful and you always try to understand me. Who do you think is the inspiration of most of the songs I write?” Yixing demanded, staring at Luhan in earnest. Luhan gasped, staring back at Yixing with mouth gaping open. Yixing didn’t show his self-written songs to many, including Luhan, but the ones he had seen were beyond beautiful, an intricate piece art that made Luhan stare in wonder. And now Yixing was telling him _he_ was the reason behind some of that.

“L-Luhan I love you.” Yixing admitted more softly.

Luhan’s eyes widened, his world stopped and the breath had been stolen right out of his lungs. Was he hallucinating? Hearing things?

“Lu-heart, I’m serious.” Yixing added when he saw Luhan’s bewildered expression. He pulled Luhan onto his lap, cradling his body in his arms. Luhan’s mouth was still opening and closing, finding the right words to say. Yixing pressed his lips against Luhan’s.

“I’m glad you’re all mushy and sappy and disgusting with each other but could you please do it somewhere that’s not my café?” A snarky voice said from the edge of their table. Yixing pulled away from Luhan, looking sheepishly at Fei.

“Sorry.” He apologized.

“Fine but remember, this is a café not a brothel.” And then she sashayed away. Luhan and Yixing laughed, embarrassed.

“Let’s go home.” Yixing pulled up Luhan with him.

“Why?” Luhan asked, staring back mournfully at his unfinished hot chocolate.

“Because you obviously didn’t understand how much I love yesterday so I’ll have to show you again.” Yixing said with a suggestive grin. Luhan blushed, both from Yixing’s suggestive words and from the fact that Yixing had said he loved him again.

“Y-Yixing?” Luhan said as they walked with their hands linked.

“Yes Lu-heart?”

“I love you too.”


End file.
